absent elements build your comfortable defense
the Greyest of Blue Skies

stronger still like an emptiness you'll never fill
Kris' Friends
slow sinking feeling kills the mood you're conveying
Kris' Profile
it feels like the first time that we'd fallen behind
Finger Eleven
and we'd faltered too far down, no one could save us

Monday, September 20th, 2004
5:59 pm Monday : Hey Guys!
Deja Vu
Tattoo and Body Piercing

12314 Old Jefferson Hwy
Baton Rouge, LA 70816

(225) 752-3627


...This is the new studio that we opened. If you get a chance, you guys should stop in and say hi. I hope life is going well for you all and I miss some of you very much! Take it easy...

Kris

(3 dreams | awake and dreaming?)

Thursday, July 8th, 2004
10:52 pm Thursday : Hmmm...
Hecate
Hecate


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

To move to Hawaii or not to move to Hawaii? That is the question.

current mood: contemplative

(1 dream | awake and dreaming?)

Saturday, June 26th, 2004
10:16 pm Saturday : Wow.
The new job is fucking amazing. I'm now working in a professional environment where I don't have to deal with Dayton's shit. We did so many piercings today that it was making my head spin. It was such a great day that I had to top it off by getting another new piercing myself. =)

I now have 3 piercings that no one I know has. =) That makes me feel great. It's always good to be pierced by someone who has some bad-ass unusual piercings, so I'm really pulling off the piercer thing well. =)

current mood: exhausted

(awake and dreaming?)

Monday, May 31st, 2004
10:25 am Monday : </i>Dare You To Move
I moved into a new apartment this weekend. It's so cute but I feel like I'm living in a hotel room.

KKind
RRefined
IIrresistible
SSpunky

Name / Username:


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current mood: awake

(awake and dreaming?)

Monday, May 24th, 2004
11:57 am Monday : Harder to Breathe.
I am, of course, having problems with Aaron (why would I ever expect to have a decent relationship with a guy?) so I've had some free time lately. Instead of driving to New Orleans to see him all the time, I've been hitting the Rec about twice a day. That is a good thing though because I need to lose about 8 pounds before I'll be seen on any beach anywhere.

I can't explain how glad I am to finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can't wait to leave Louisiana and never come back. I don't care if I do only get to leave with my dog and the clothes on my back, I'll at least have the chance to be happy for once. T minus 3 months and counting...

How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable
So condescending, unnecessarily critical
I have the tendency of getting very physical
So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle.

You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
This double vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to fuckin tread the ground that I am walking on.

What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head
You should know better, you never listened to a word I said
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did.


Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe?

current mood: cold

(4 dreams | awake and dreaming?)

Saturday, April 17th, 2004
8:19 am Saturday : Hmmm...
Last night wasn't too bad after all.

First of all, I acquired a date for the F11/Trapt concert. Ash was going to be my partner in crime for the evening, but she has to work so she had to bail. --That's okay, hun, we'll do it another time. I still love ya.-- So anyway, I was racking my brain for someone who would really appreciate the music and one name popped into mind... Anna. --We are going to fucking rock out, babe. It is guaranteed to be a great party. I'm looking forward to it.--

Also, I got to hang out with Michael and Southone which is always fun. And I really enjoyed seeing everyone at Bankston's too. --You guys all rock!--

I must also extend a special thanks to someone for our conversation last night. --You know who you are. I really needed to hear some of those things (particularly the scar stuff). You just made my life a little easier, hun. Thanks.--

current mood: sleepy

(awake and dreaming?)

Wednesday, April 14th, 2004
11:21 pm Wednesday : Loathing.
It's times like these when I just want to take 2 sleeping pills and not exist for at least 8 hours. I really hate my life. I am worthless... I don't even warrant an invitation to the simplest of things. Am I that much of an inconvienience?

I just wish... I don't know... It's useless to even wish for anything anymore.

The Panama City trip with Marshall was decent. It did nothing for my lust to escape from Louisiana though. I still long for a life somewhere else. Somewhere that I'm not plagued with self destructive thoughts every hour of every day. Is there no end to this self-loathing?

** No anti-suicide replies, please. We all know that I am not stupid enough to try that again. I'd just fuck it up and end up worse than before. I am condemned to live until old-age in this miseralble existence. **

current mood: melancholy

(awake and dreaming?)

Saturday, April 3rd, 2004
4:55 pm Saturday : Damn.
I was in a sociable mood when Marshall called last night so I met him and some other friends at the Tiger Bar. We drank for a while and then departed for this party that we were invited to by friends who knew the host. Therefore, we did not directly know the occupants of the house that we were walking into at 2am.

"Who's house was it?" you ask.

Well, as it turns out, the individual who resides in that crappy little abode is none other than my ex-fiance. Yep, that's right. The one who abused and manipulated me for 2 years until the only relief I could find was from a 40 caliber Smith & Wesson.

Needless to say, it was a rough evening. I, however, seem to have come out of this situation remarkably well. I think that I have now overcome a huge issue that has been holding me back from developing healthy feelings regarding relationships.

I think I'm okay.

current mood: contemplative

(4 dreams | awake and dreaming?)

Friday, April 2nd, 2004
11:35 am Friday : Hmmm...
I think I drank too much last night.

Thanks to you guys who came over to hang out on a Thursday night. I know that it's hard to rip yourselves away from 80's night.

Also, yay for sober decision making and attractive drunk boys who don't push the issue. =)

current mood: bouncy

(awake and dreaming?)

Saturday, March 20th, 2004
8:12 pm Saturday : Absent Elements.
Everyone plays along
Get them giving or steal the life they’re breathing
They’ll grow sickened
Take their secret codes and signals
Discover all they know
Keep up the pace now until it all dries up

You’ll never find out now
That all these absent elements
Build your comfortable defense stronger still
Like an emptiness

Way too early to consider losing
Vacant staring may discover some reflection
Or may discover none
Just think what you’ve done
And watch it all add up

Like an emptiness you’ll never fill

current mood: crushed

(awake and dreaming?)

7:50 pm Saturday : You've Got To Be Fucking Kidding...
I can't believe this shit. Over a month ago we discussed and decided that we definitely needed to have a formal goodbye-type evening before he left. It was actually his idea too. We had even planned a couple of them but his departure kept being pushed back so the talk was pushed back too. Well, the call that I specifically asked him not to make came a couple of hours ago:

Me: Hello?
Him: Hey sweetie, what's up?
Me: Not a whole lot, babe. What are you doing?
Him: I'm on my way out of town...

It is official: I hate absolutely everything about my life right now except for Nate. I just want to disappear...

(2 dreams | awake and dreaming?)

Monday, February 23rd, 2004
11:42 am Monday : Apprehensive.
This long weekend just keeps getting worse and worse. Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? If so, I can't seem to reach it.

It is obviously a desperate situation when a shrink tells you to cut ties with your family. I have come to the realization that he's right. Everyone who brings me down needs to be out of my life.

Anyway, I made the most serious decision of my life today after listening to my father tell me that I am a hopeless fuck-up. No matter how much I accomplish, it will never be good enough for my family. I'm a senior in Pre-Law with a 3.5 GPA but that is still not good enough because I have made a couple of mistakes along the way. Apparently everyone is allowed to make mistakes except for me.

It is time for really drastic measures to be taken. I'm apprehensive but I know what I have to do if I want to maintain any semblance of sanity. Wish me luck if you even care what happens to me.

current mood: depressed

(4 dreams | awake and dreaming?)

12:49 am Monday : Betrayal.
This has proven to be the worst weekend I have had in years. It is definitely time to re-evaluate a couple of my friendships. Sometimes even the people you love the most betray you.

Trust... Yeah, right.

current mood: depressed

(awake and dreaming?)

Tuesday, February 17th, 2004
9:10 pm Tuesday : Quote of the Day:
"Who you got in there? Confucius?"

DisorderRating
Paranoid:Low
Schizoid:Low
Schizotypal:High
Antisocial:Low
Borderline:Low
Histrionic:High
Narcissistic:Low
Avoidant:Moderate
Dependent:High
Obsessive-Compulsive:High

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --



current mood: chipper

(awake and dreaming?)

Monday, February 16th, 2004
5:00 pm Monday : Hee Hee.
How many 20 year old females do you know who would walk in on their roommate dying her hair blue and not freak out? Or better still; pick up a tint brush and help out?

Trina, you rock!

I'm in a really bizarre mood today. I'm making some drastic changes to my physical appearance and I'm loving every minute of it.

current mood: creative

(2 dreams | awake and dreaming?)

Sunday, February 15th, 2004
11:49 am Sunday : Breakfast at the Redmond/Ritter household.
Ramen

Beer

My Fair Lady

Anyone jealous?

current mood: content

(1 dream | awake and dreaming?)

Tuesday, February 10th, 2004
11:42 am Tuesday
It's been a while since I've posted, but I'm sure that no one really noticed. I've had a lot going on lately...

Well, The Talk has been officially scheduled for Wednesday night at my place. It was his idea. After the way things went this weekend, I think he realized that we really need to get everything out in the open. The look on his face when his friend kissed me at the club Saturday night almost made me cry. And then there was his response to Marshall calling me when he was here Sunday night. It was almost like he felt betrayed. I don't think he realizes how deep my feelings for him go. I've basically been living my life for him for months now. Tomorrow night is going to rip me apart.

Friday morning is going to be the worst pain that I've felt in years. I plan to stay drunk all weekend. The first drink will be consumed when he hugs me and gets in his car to leave. I'm glad that I have a couple of people who will be there for me. Shantel and Shauna, I love you guys and thanks for listening to me cry Sunday night. I'm looking forward to some drunken girl time this weekend.

current mood: crushed

(2 dreams | awake and dreaming?)

Monday, January 26th, 2004
1:20 pm Monday : I Hate Mondays.
You know what sucks? Halling ass across campus for a class just to get there and find a note on the door that says the class has been moved to the side of campus you were just on.

current mood: blah

(awake and dreaming?)

Friday, January 23rd, 2004
2:27 pm Friday : Great.
I've been to every bookstore around campus today searching for my Symbolic Logic book. No luck. That's what I get for procrastinating. All I can do now is cross my fingers that I can somehow acquire it before Monday's homework is due.

current mood: hot

(awake and dreaming?)

2:40 am Friday : Drunk...
Spanish Moon...

Too many shots...

I would just like to say that I am really fucking drunk right now...

It is ridiculous that I have to concentrate this hard on typing...

Fun times...

current mood: drunk

(1 dream | awake and dreaming?)

Thursday, January 22nd, 2004
3:11 pm Thursday : Feeling Guilty.
I feel guilty because I should be in Leigh's class right now. I had a meeting with the dean at 2:45 to get an extention on my 4136 incomplete from last semester but she was late. Leigh's class started at 3 and I know better than to walk in late, so I just came home. Blah.

This semester is going to kick my ass. I hope that I can finish all of this work soon. That's what I get for being a moron last semester. Oh well, at least Les is giving me a take-home final.

Sorry, I don't mean to bitch. I know that none of you care to hear about my shit.

Whatever... Fuck me...

current mood: crappy

(awake and dreaming?)

Wednesday, January 21st, 2004
1:15 pm Wednesday : Kris' Wednesday.
Early Morning:
-- Woke up in a cold sweat.
-- Freaked out because I spent $120 on a Symbolic Logic book.
-- Realized that the $120 book was only a nightmare.
-- Experienced an overwhelming rush of relief.
-- Decided to stop procrastinating a trip to the bookstore.

Late Morning:
-- Endured a painful orthodontists's appointment. Ouch!
-- Skipped class due to the aforementioned appointment.

Early Afternoon:
-- Discovered the Symbolic Logic book only costs about $60.
-- Rejoiced at that discovery.
-- Attempted to access Schedule Request on PAWS.
-- Got pissed off at Tiger fucking Plaza & its T1 LAN! Grrr.

The Present:
-- Procrastinating a textbook-buying expedition by updating my LJ.

current mood: good

(awake and dreaming?)

Sunday, January 18th, 2004
5:00 pm Sunday : Pooped.
Okay, now I'm exhausted. Judd and I just ran around with Nate & Bailey for two hours. Outside, I might add, in the middle of fucking January in short sleeves. I hate Louisiana. Isn't it supposed to be winter? Doesn't that mean that I should be wearing a coat? Fuck this state. I can't wait to move to Chicago.

current mood: exhausted

(2 dreams | awake and dreaming?)

12:45 pm Sunday
Last night was fun. Watching Lauren, Dennis & Dave wade around in crotch-deep 20 degree water at 4:30am in the Centroplex fountains is one of those things that I will always remember about college. You guys rock. Thanks for a fun night.

Nate has a play-date with Bailey (Judd's dog) at 2 o'clock today. I can't believe that I actually made a play-date for my dog. How bizarre is that? I am officially a complete fucking weirdo. It'll be fun to run around outside in this beautiful weather though, so it's okay.

current mood: amused

(awake and dreaming?)

Saturday, January 17th, 2004
1:28 pm Saturday : Wow.
Last night was amazing. I couldn't have possibly had any more fun and I have the hangover to prove it.

I'm really going to miss him.

current mood: drained

(awake and dreaming?)


Finger Eleven

Absent Elements

Everyone plays along
Get them giving or steal the life they’re breathing
They’ll grow sickened
Take their secret codes and signals
Discover all they know
Keep up the pace now until it all dries up

You’ll never find out now
That all these absent elements
Build your comfortable defense stronger still
Like an emptiness

Way too early to consider losing
Vacant staring may discover some reflection
Or may discover none
Just think what you’ve done
And watch it all add up

You’ll never find out now
That all these absent elements
Build your comfortable defense stronger still
Like an emptiness you’ll never fill

Previous 25 Broken Words
Kris & Michael!